r.i.p. bea arthur

truly a golden girl...

3 days of sunshine and happiness

get out. enjoy it. if you can't, make yourself. the world is good. life is good. your life is good. today is today. live it.

the day after

got nothing to say today that music can't say for me.

damien rice - elephant
bob dylan - all i really wanna do
damien rice - cannonball
jason mraz - beautiful mess
kanye west - addiction
gym class heroes - live forever
kanye west - bittersweet
ingrid michaelson - masochist
bob dylan - sad eyed lady of the lowlands
yael naim - yashanti
damien rice - accidental babies
ingrid michaelson - glass
bob dylan - boots of spanish leather
bob dylan - simple twist of fate
ingrid michaelson - the chain
murs - part of me
ingrid michaelson - december baby
ingrid michaelson - starting now
damien rice - elephant

buy em. download em. steal em. sing em.
*will update throughout the day
** done and done

my current struggle

i am currently embroiled in a mortal death match the likes of which have not been seen for many a millenia-um-ia (whatever). it occupies my every thought. it fills my mind from my first bowl of special k to my masturbatorily-induced sleep. my hands constantly shake, my head pounds and i am relatively sure my anus is now home to my heart. i can't stand it. i need to defeat my opponent. need for this madness to end. but it defines me. consumes me. i'd be nothing without it.

oh fantasy basketball championship week...i hate you

it's my blog so i'ma tell you a story

and this story, well it's...
it's a story of a girl...
i've said before i'm a sucker for a smile and a sad story, but even without that weakness i would've fallen for this one. unique, charming, intelligent, beautiful... i'd literally never seen anything like her before.
she's the prototype...
still haven't.
but as is always the case in things that seem perfect. they're not.
and it seems like you're racing the sun...
but of course, if we all stopped when sense and logic dictated we should, love and beauty would cease to propagate. and in regards to this girl..."beautiful is you and not the other way around." now i'm not sure if you've ever been lucky enough to see the corporal embodiment of an ethereal notion but believe, sense and logic go right out the window. and you kinda feel like...
nothing really matters...
and it's amazing how long you can really tell yourself that when you're caught up. when you're falling in love. when for the first time in a long time the days don't seem so rough and life is something to enjoy, not survive. when it really seems like there are only two people on this whole planet.
but reality has this funny way of always being real. not a whole lot of fun that is. because...
what i want should never hurt this bad...
and so it went. off and on. back and forth. from every day to almost never. but something kept it going. sometimes strong. other times weak. but always a pulse. she was my everything even when there was nothing. and vice versa, lest i sound obsessive or unrequited. our reality may not have been real, but our love always was and i take solace in that. and you know, it even got to the point, through all the bullshit that we were there and i knew that we would soon emerge from the darkness because she was
my light...
we had removed the thorn from every rose but the dawn of our night was short lived. "so we're official, right?"...happiest moment of my life lasted about two weeks. and then...more reality. and rightfully so, after all the stress and strife that surrounded us someone had to make the decision to call it quits. "its a shame"

so more than a full calendar year has passed and so much has happened. it hasn't been easy. i feel like i've been undergoing a painfully slow "soul-ectomy" losing a piece of myself every second. but that's not true. i just miss her. and she's in a happier place now, and though she misses me too the past has passed and the present is moving along whether we like it or not.
and me? i've come to grips with the situation. though i often relapse and make mistakes and get down in the dumps, i know that every day will continue to come and i must move forward with each one. but i always remember...


dedicated to you kiddo. i'm sorry.
(amazing i did this with no ingrid or damien, huh?)

sometimes

its is inevitable that in life we will make mistakes. and occassionally we will do things that seem necessary though we wish they could be done in a different way.

at the end of the day, you have to hope that you have people in your life that care enough to understand. and put up with your stupidity...

goodbye

didn't want to say it.
wish i hadn't.
if only i hadn't been drinking.
want to take it back.
but i needed it.
i need it.

you are.
a profound statement.
a moonbeam on a lake of sunshine.
a dream.
a girl.
you are.

your feelings.
a mystery.
the key.
i've never seen the lock.

i will hate my words forever.

the strength of an olympian

read this. because people who do shit like this are disgusting. and the people who live every day surviving in spite of it are remarkable.

Margaret Hoelzer's story

peanut butter jelly

peanut butter jelly peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat

think about it

a fantasy caught in film

i swear 'fore god...

that if one more person who can't be there for me says they will be there for me "whenever i need them", i'ma smack the shit out of them. don't be that person. it won't be pretty.

choose your words and actions carefully. people aren't toys.

i screen you screen we all screen...

i hate mtv...

...for making me sympathize with and gain respect for both paris hilton and britney spears. never thought that'd happen. especially not within an hours time. unexpected, but i think i can still live with myself.

jeff buckley

talented dude. untimely death. unrealized talent. music's good, perhaps a little dark, but pretty damn good. enjoy.

and they wonder why new yorkers are so stressed out

another day another terror threat. don't get scared, because that's what terrorists like. but just take this as a reminder that time waits for no man and tomorrows not promised so if shes still alive shoot a call to your momma. ok that last part was a murs quote, but you get the point.

paz y amor good homies...

happy birthday!!!!

a big, huge, loud, and exciting happy birthday to one of my bestest friends the infamous BuzyGurl!!!! had a blast monday night! well before i passed out because i skipped dinner, but no excuses!!! looking forward to a few more birthday events!

aaaaalso! yesterday marked the birth of my new nephew! name still to be determined but the beautiful baby boy joined us last night after 24 hours of labor!

i know you miss me...

so i'm checkin in to say hey..

but it's been a long day, weekend, week, month, year, etc... so as much as i love to love ya i have no motivation right now

btw nyk 4-2. holler.

buzyguy ouuutttt

nypd blues

if you're from new york and haven't just recently been released from a protective bottle or been thawed from cryogenic hibernation, you've noticed that the nypd have been in the news with some frequency. sean bell. tazer murders. suicides. gun fights. brutality. unnecessary force. the list goes on and on. and, chances are, this isn't behavior that you're surprised by. it is a sad state of affairs when a society almost expects the individuals that are supposed to protect them to misuse the power they have been given.

so i know all of you are with me here. and probably gettin all riled up inside with those "i hate pigs" and "cops are assholes" thoughts. but here is where i may lose some popularity for my stance. i don't think cops are pigs or assholes. that is a sterotype. and everyone reading this that has ever been confronted with a stereotype of themselves realizes that stereotypes are wrong. sure, there will be some in any group that fit the general stereotype. after all, stereotypes are based on people that actually exist. however, we should have the ability to recognize that the majority of a given group does not fit the criteria of that stereotype. some black people don't like watermelon. not all asians are good at math. not every hispanic has at some point lived in a house with a tin roof. and not all police officers are assholes.

many members of the nypd are kind, benevolent human beings who aim only to protect and serve. others are decent human beings that need a paycheck and take their job seriously, regardless of whether they love it or not. many have families - wives, children, brother and sisters - that they go home to each night and worry every day about not making it back to them. so many stories. so many personalities. There’s no way they could all fall under the same umbrella. and yet the negative stereotyping persists.

police officers have what can be one of the toughest jobs to do. they must constantly be conscious and aware of their surroundings. they have to patrol and protect the streets of one of the biggest cities in the world. they have to deal with all kinds of drunk, druggies, degenerates, and deadbeats (i love alliteration by the way). and they have to do it all with targets on their backs. with us looking down at them. hurling insults and dirty looks their way. i mean yea, some of them deserve it. and some of them can get out of hand at some times. but we certainly don't help by making them feel as if their life is in danger whenever they exercise a little authority (or even when they don't).

i don't condone police brutality. and i don't think that members of nypd should feel a sense of superiority or entitlement. but i do think that they aren't all bad. and i do think that they should be given the benefit of the doubt. and maybe, just maybe, the kindness and understanding we show to them will be given back to the individuals they come in contact with.